Water day

Dec 3, 2008

Something about the decisions I have made the past few days leaves me feeling lighter. It is not my normal time of writing, in the evening, but the evenings here are different. I have worn myself out with sewing, cooking, and much brisk activity, and it is not the time of quiet contemplation I used to have at my last home. This place is beginning to feel like home, though it lacks art or refinements. It has my children, and they are happy. I have decided to write in my spare moments throughout the day. Today it is morning, and with my morning tea I write. The steam drifting from it reminds me of temple incense, pungent and heady.

My wild beasts have not repeated their escapade of a few days prior. I spoke to Heiye, who spoke to her, and the necklace she took to sell for her little friends turned up. In exchange, I fed each of their merry band at dinner time last night, small bowls of millet soup flavored with chicken and mushrooms. My new guise, a peasant’s dress and hair dyed grey and dank, with something on my face to give me terrifying wrinkles, served its purpose. No one remarked on our similarities. I find that being silent suits me better than pretending that my first language is something it is not, so for now I am a mainly mute old woman.

It is terribly amusing, if I may be so bold. I do miss Sev, but I feel quite clever for this little exploit, Meyni’s idea though it may be. If I am honest, the idea of going out to market, with all those people and noises and strangers, terrifies me. I have not been around people except for my family and Nima’s family in half a year, and even then I did not go to markets. I fear doing something wrong. I fear discovery. I fear people, and is that not the silliest thing? They’re just peasants.

I will go to the market. I will not go to the market today.

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