Fire day

Oct 14, 2008.

I am blessed. I have finished one curtain, while Nimaseki advised me heartily in the ways – ah, I am being unfair. She is good-hearted, even if her mind is weakened with her body. Her eyes are very bright. Sometimes I cannot understand her, for her accent thickens and her speech’s speed increases. I nod, and am respectful.

Still no husband triumphantly returning. Heiye confides that Pang’s young female friend has refused his offer of a lizard, so heartbreak abounds. Heiye apparently has an affection of the heart as well.

I must make sure he understands men and women. Tomorrow – I have not the spirit for it today. Perhaps some rice wine tomorrow to strengthen my resolve. Lady, I wish Sev were here to do this.

I feel it is equitable for me to sit with Nimaseki and help with her work in the afternoons. No ill-wish intented, but it is different from other deaths I have witnessed. Sev’s mother was very tidy, very quiet, in part because her husband was a very orderly man. She was arranged with flowers and fragrant oil. My husband hates the smell of honeysuckle, even now. This is messier, somehow, more raw. Will this be the last day I see her? It lingers in my mind, though seldom at the forefront. There is always the chance that I will be the one to die in my bed, throat slashed by someone either too ignorant or too knowledgable to leave me alive. We are hidden, but I have no reason to feel safe except a lingering, perhaps deadly, complacency.

I am so very cheerful today. Sev would mock me roundly, and kiss me, as well.

Comments (4)

Lyn Thorne-AlderSeptember 28th, 2011 at 12:54 pm

So very raw, and so very nice.

adminSeptember 28th, 2011 at 12:55 pm

Thanks, Lyn! It’s so nice to be writing again, wow.

M.E. TraylorJanuary 4th, 2012 at 10:53 am

“We are hidden, but I have no reason to feel safe except a lingering, perhaps deadly, complacency.”

Fabulous line. Sums up all the fear and uncertainty into such a tiny package.

adminJanuary 4th, 2012 at 10:58 am

Thanks so much! You make me want to write a ton more. I shall do this tonight.

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